Be Attentive

“Many a true word hath been spoken in jest.”

-William Shakespeare, King Lear

There is a common joke made by women that have been mistreated by men that they should just “switch their settings to women”. Sometimes referenced are the unsolicited advances and shameful invasion women have experienced at the hands of men (which is the 10 on the severity scale, and I’m very sorry for those that have experienced it), but most of what is referenced is the seeming inability of men to notice a need and execute simple kindness. This causes women to jokingly bemoan their situation and propose perhaps a change is in order. Admittedly it’s funny, but it has a sad undertone about the nature of many human relationships: kindness is often so simple, yet so often forsaken. (Please note: This is NOT a criticism of men as a collective body. I believe people should be judged on an individual basis, by merit, and I DO NOT believe men to be cripplingly bent towards thoughtlessness, or objectification. All of us are capable of great kindness, compassion, and strength, and no one gets a free pass to behave otherwise. “Boys will be boys” is total bullshit. Throw it out.)

Beyond what anybody thinks about sexual orientation, there is some cold hard truth which is: common decency shouldn’t be so rare in relationships that either gender is completely bowled over when they receive it.

It is very sad that people are so starved for BASIC interest, selflessness, thoughtfulness and consideration that they jump at a minimal show of it from their partner. Or that they would be so disillusioned with the treatment of past partners that they would seek a different option JUST based on lack of basic consideration.

And before you respond with defensiveness — or a discussion about sexual orientation — I would re-remind you: this is not an attack on all men, or a defense for, or admonition of any particular sexual orientation, it is simply about the sad state of standards, expectations, and norms in relationships. We need to fix this, and it isn’t that hard.

Look for needs. Fill them. Be attentive, and not for what you can get in return. Treat others as you’d like to be treated. It’s not called the Golden Rule for nothing.