A Clear Reflection

Odds are you’ve been raised on a sliding scale between two extremes: 1) Appearance must be micro-managed to present an acceptable categorizing image to society for purposes of progression, attraction (and in some cases, repulsion), and artificial projection, or 2) Communication of self can — and morally, should — only be discerned by what can be conveyed by your unaffected, natural state.

In my background, I’ve seen an interesting mix of people in these two extremes. Inevitably, as happens with extremes, the pendulum swings dramatically from one end to the other at some point in each person’s life: those that believe self-expression through style to be prideful, self-aggrandizing, or false tend to at one point feel stifled and betrayed by these limitations. The containment with no reasoned explanation beyond “adornment is pride and pride is bad” creates a resentful monster that charges forward into unexplored territory, often then identifying too much not only with external matters, but physical gratification itself. As external life was tied to internal life in limitation, so it is in exploitation.

On the other side, those that started out in unhealthy preoccupation with appearance and projection often later, after revelation of their more important internal life, feel the need to strip themselves of adornment in order to be honest. Now they believe, much like those on the opposite end of the spectrum, that external beautification is dishonest and morally repugnant.

So, who is right?

Neither. Because they are both asking the wrong question.

Instead of asking if an outward action is inwardly healthy, look at it the other way: How is the inward life of a person feeding into how they present themselves?

Contrary to popular conception, I have seen many a humble countenance mask a massive amount of pride, and many perfectly projected appearance hide a damaging amount of inferiority complex and fear of rejection.

So, what should show up on our outside? The answer is, whatever is on the inside. How you look effects how you think of yourself, but how you think about yourself effects who you are. So instead of either meticulously tailoring the outside to project something about the inside, or believing any external communication of self by way of appearance is inappropriate, try simply to find out who you are, and see what comes out by way of external reflection. That will be the most honest, balanced presentation to the world that you can have.